Marriage is built on trust. But what happens when you overhear a conversation that changes everything? One woman’s discovery about her husband’s secret payments to his parents left her questioning their entire relationship.
Here is story:
Hello,
My name is Liza. I’m married. So, we lived a comfortable life. My husband worked hard day and night. One day, I overheard him talking to my MIL, “Sure, I’ll do it tomorrow. The usual sum.” I was in disbelief. When I confronted him, he looked at me and said, “It was just a loan, not a gift. They will return it next month.”
I really didn’t like that he didn’t discuss this with me first. We needed that money, too. So, I called my MIL right away, demanding she return them. She sounded shocked, “He never told you about the decision he made? He’s my only son! After everything we’ve sacrificed for him, he decided to support us. This isn’t a loan—he’s showing appreciation! What do you mean by loan?”
He lied to me, pretending it was a loan, when in reality, he’d been secretly sending them our money with no intention of ever getting it back.
I don’t know how to move forward—whether to confront him again, let it go, or walk away.
Hello Liza, As far as we can see, the core issue here is not the money itself but the secrecy. We suggest that you test his willingness to set new rules with you. If he can’t accept joint decision-making, you’ll know whether to continue the relationship or reconsider it. Here is how we would approach it:
Address the financial secrecy directly
- Ask for specific numbers: the amount he sent and how often.
- Discuss how it affects your shared finances and your mutual goals.
Agree on rules for joint finances
- Propose a rule: no transfers, loans, or gifts without joint agreement.
- If he insists on supporting his parents, consider agreeing on a fixed, transparent monthly sum that you both agree on.
- You can also try to agree on what his parents can do for you: it could be anything from helping around the house to grocery shopping or any other task that suits all of you.
Clarify the role of his mother
- Do not argue with your MIL again. That only fuels conflict between you and her.
- Keep the focus on your husband—he made the choice and misled you, so he is responsible for clarifying it to you.
- Tell him directly: “If you decide to help your parents, that needs to be said openly to me, not hidden as a ‘loan.’”
Decide on next steps based on his response
- If he acknowledges the problem and agrees to new rules, move forward and monitor how he follows through.
- If he refuses transparency and keeps prioritizing his family over your shared financial security, you’ll need to consider whether you want to stay in a marriage where money decisions are hidden from you.
Best wishes.
Editor1