For a long time, it was believed that the mission of every person was to have offspring. Child-free couples were judged and felt sorry for. However, recently, more and more people are choosing to live without kids despite pressure from society. We’re sure that judging one’s choice is not a noble thing to do and also support conscious parenting, which is why we don’t think being child-free is bad or dangerous for society. Still, people who have openly declared their wish not to become parents meet a lot of misunderstanding and pressure from their relatives, friends, and even random people. Today, the floor is theirs.
1.
My husband and I are in Hawaii, and we’ve got a solid stance against having kids. We picked a resort that has an adult area on purpose, with an 18+ only hot tub. Couldn’t find an adults-only resort within our budget. The rules are clear – there’s a giant sign that tells you this is for adults only. After a 10-hour flight full of screeching children, we definitely needed to decompress. We arrive at the hot tub to find a group of unattended children screaming and splashing around like a pack of wild hyenas, so we begrudgingly waited. The second day, we came downstairs as soon as the resort area opened….. to find a mom with a stroller blocking the path and a baby on her lap inside the hot tub. We got in regardless this time, and another couple joined us shortly after and they were clearly annoyed by this as well. Maybe I’m hyper-aware, but it seems like everywhere we go a crying child follows. Bar after 10-11 pm? You better believe, children. Adult-only areas? Children. Casino in Vegas? Loud, rated R movie? Believe it or not, children. Tattoo shops? They bring their children. And they complain “no one considers them.” When in reality, we have built a society that prioritizes them and we are forced to deal with the massive inconvenience and noise pollution, even in the very few spaces we are trying to have just for us.
2.
I’m a 31-year-old single woman. A few months ago, I bought a house. When my co-worker (a few years older than me, 2 kids working on a third, usually just a sweet, chill person) learned about my house, she got super offended, and she had this weird knee-jerk reaction of “Why didn’t you just buy a condo until you have kids? Why would you need a house?” When I reminded her that I don’t want kids, so there was no point in waiting, she said that I’m basically stealing this house “from a family who could really enjoy it, with kids who could play in the backyard.”
3.
I am 35, my husband is 33. We have been married for 8 years and yes, being child-free is our conscious choice. It’s not because of health issues. Before marriage, we spoke on this topic and found out that neither of us wanted to have kids – neither now, nor in 10 years. During the first years of our marriage, everyone kept asking us the same questions: “When are you going to have kids? Is everything fine with your health?” When we would say that we simply don’t want to have kids, everyone’s eyes would get huge and they’d ask, “How is that possible?” Eventually, we got tired of answering these questions. We came up with an idea – my husband grew up in a city with a nuclear polygon so we decided to say that we can’t have kids because radiation had killed our ability to have kids.
4.
So, about a week ago, I went to my doctor and asked him for a recommendation to go to a gynecologist. I told him I wanted to have an operation because I didn’t want to have children. He just said, “You just wanna be selfish!” and laughed.
5.
The most aggressive ones are latent child-free. That is, people who shouldn’t have kids but do it because of pressure from others. Not having enough resources, they torture both themselves and their kids. Of course, they show their attitude to child-free people too because the latter trigger them. Child-free, in their turn, do their stuff and don’t care about what others think or do.
6.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were out of town to see my grandparents. All was going really great until she asked if we would ever have kids. I told her no and gave her several gentle reasons why. First, I have a heart condition and other major medical issues. My body wouldn’t handle pregnancy well. Second, I just don’t want kids. So on, so forth. She told me that: “Having kids is my job, and it will rectify my medical issues.”
7.
Once, my boss said he and his wife were going on vacation (child-free couple),vand his boss said, “You need a vacation? I have 5 kids.” My boss responded with, “Hm, life decisions.” I sighed.
8.
My husband is 24 and I’m 25. We got married about 6 months ago. We’ve known each other for almost 6 years. We talked about kids very early on and are 100% childfree. We have 4 pets that we love dearly and are both focusing on our careers. With that being said, we are getting tons of people asking us when we’re starting a family and arguing when we tell them we have a family already and don’t need/want kids.
9.
This past weekend my boyfriend and I hosted a party. One of the couples we’re really close with is expecting a baby in March, with the due date being 2 days after my birthday. I can’t remember the exact conversation, but the topic of the baby’s due date came up, and I said something along the lines of, “It would be kind of cool if the baby & I have the same birthday.” They both then start telling me that if that happens, or if the baby is born anywhere close to my birthday, I need to “prepare for my birthday to become irrelevant.” I was really taken aback by them saying that. I just kind of gave my boyfriend a look and continued on with the conversation. I told another friend who wasn’t at the party about this, and he said, “Go low contact and when they complain that they haven’t seen you, just say you’re practicing being irrelevant.”
10.
My co-worker always says, “Must be nice,” when I mention that I’m going to do something relaxing after work or on the weekend. Yes, it is! I chose not to have kids so I can relax in my free time the way I want to. It’s not our fault that parents choose to have kids. If they wanted to relax, then should’ve thought about their decision a little harder.
11.
I have in my dating profile that I’m CHILD-FREE and do not want children. The amount of messages I get from women who ALREADY HAVE CHILDREN and think it’s ever so attractive that a man knows what he wants and doesn’t want kids etc., yet at the same time get mad at me when I tell them that that also includes their children? Child-free means not only do I not want children of my own, but I also don’t want to play step-daddy to a potential partner’s kid either.
12.
My husband was chatting on the phone with a relative earlier, and she brought up the question of if we were planning on having children soon. My husband explained to her that we didn’t want children, and of course, this caused her to start in on all the reasons why we should have children. This went on for a few minutes, and I was just rolling my eyes because at the end of the day, I knew it didn’t really matter what she said. But then she went on to tell my husband that he shouldn’t go through with our wedding and religious ceremony until I changed my mind. Then she said that when she sees me, she is going to interrogate me and try to change my mind.
13.
I am 40+, I am child-free and plan to keep everything as is. I had been married for 20 years but my husband and I decided that kids are not our cup of tea. I am not against kids and I am happy to see others having them. Not everyone is made for kids. My mom is a simple person who at some point, started to nag me, “When will I see my grandkids? You are not getting younger. You need to give birth to a baby ASAP.”
So once I come to my mom’s place and she starts over:
- When will I see my grandkids? Where are they?
I reply: - Mom, I love you a lot and if you want it so much, I will have kids. But I will bring the kid from the hospital right to your home and won’t take care of their upbringing.
Mom looks at me understanding I am telling her the truth and says with a pinch of offense: - Why should I raise them?
- Mom, because you want this child. It’s that simple!
Mom got offended and kept quiet and
pondered for a while. After several days, she calls me and says anxiously, “Dear, have you changed your mind about having kids? If you have, please change it back — I have too many things to do!”
14.
Husband and I just converted a bedroom in our house into a his-and-hers gaming space. The first question everyone has asked us is, “But what if you have kids? Won’t you want that room for them?” But when we say we’re not having any, out comes the snarky, “Must be nice.”
15.
My husband and I often host gatherings for our greater friend group. One couple has kids (7 and 16) and they almost always come to grill-outs, etc. We love them. We are considered auntie/uncle. For the New Year this year, we decided to make it an adult-only affair. My partner let the mom know and offered to pay for a babysitter so it wouldn’t be too stressful. And boooooooyyyyyyyyyy did that not go over well…
She’s been blowing up his phone. Mine too. It’s all: “Have we ALWAYS been imposing? Recount the events of the last two years and tell me when we’ve been imposing. I feel like I can’t believe what you say anymore. I can’t believe you uninvited me.” Partner and I are both like, “Dude. We just said New Year’s is a grown-up party. That’s it. That’s all. We still love your entire family.” Partner warned that friend would overreact, so I can’t say it’s a surprise. But this is WAY over the top. You can’t expect your kids to be welcome in every single space.