Starting out as a recently married couple isn’t easy, especially with a baby and living in your in-laws’ house. This is the situation for 19-year-old Rain, who often clashes with her mother-in-law over house rules. Rain feels distressed, and when she decided to speak up, things took a turn for the worse. She reached out to us for advice.
Here is Rain’s letter:
I live with my in-laws because we’re 19 and can’t afford our own place while raising our baby. My mother-in-law expects me to clean up after them and even do the family laundry. I told my husband, “I’m not her maid! You have to stand up for me, I’m your wife!”
The next day, I came home, and all my things were gone from our room; my closet was empty. My mother-in-law had prepared my suitcase and placed it next to the door.
She said, “If you can’t respect my rules in my house, then you’re no longer welcome.”
The worst part was that my husband just shrugged and said, “Maybe it’s better if you go to your parents’ house for a while with the baby until things calm down.”
I reminded him that I had left everything and moved miles away to be with him, then I left. I feel completely helpless.
Now, I’m back at the house, but things are even more tense than before. What should I do?
Sincerely. Rain
Dear Rain, thanks for telling us your story! We have some tips that we believe can be helpful to you.
Have a clear, calm conversation.
Schedule a time to talk to your husband privately in a calm way. Express how deeply hurt you were by his and his mother’s actions. Use specific examples, such as how your belongings were packed without your consent.
Emphasize the importance of standing united as a couple, especially in front of family, and discuss boundaries that need to be respected by all parties involved.
Seek mediation or counseling.
Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator. This person can help facilitate a constructive conversation between you, your husband, and possibly your mother-in-law.
Mediation can provide a structured environment where everyone’s concerns are heard and solutions can be proposed with guidance from a trained professional.
Explore temporary housing solutions.
Look into temporary housing options for you and your baby. This could include staying with supportive friends or family members, or researching local shelters or housing programs that cater to young parents.
Having a safe space outside of the current tension-filled environment can provide you with the breathing room needed to assess your next steps.
Know your rights and options.
Educate yourself on your legal rights as a tenant and as a spouse. Even though you may be living with your in-laws, there are still legal protections that may apply to you.
Consult with a legal professional if necessary to understand what options are available to you in terms of housing, child custody, and financial support.
