It’s very important for children to feel loved by their parents. One of our readers went through a tough time when her spouse was in the hospital, fighting for his life. She was so stressed that she forgot about her 8-year-old son. Worse, her ex-husband made things worse, making the boy think his mom didn’t love him anymore. Now, she has to fix things and show her son that she still cares.
Our reader shared a story with us.
My husband was in a serious accident and ended up in the hospital. The doctors were fighting to save his life, and he was getting worse each day. I was so depressed and scared that I completely forgot about our 8-year-old son. I neglected my parental responsibilities – I didn’t take him to school or make him lunch.
In desperation, my husband asked his ex-wife to care for our son until I felt better. We had no one else in the city, and we couldn’t afford a nanny because of the mounting medical bills.
She took him to her house, and they spent a few days together. When I went to pick him up, I was shocked when he ran up to me crying, saying, “I don’t want to see you ever again!”
That night, when he was calm, I asked him why he acted that way. He said, “Alice told me you didn’t love me and that’s why you sent me to her.” She even said they would make a great family when his dad got out of the hospital. I’m furious!
Thank you for reaching out to us! We’re sorry that you had to go through it, and we’d like to give you some tips that you might find useful.
What you can do to improve the situation.
- Forgive yourself. You faced a very difficult situation, and it’s understandable that not everything went smoothly. Concentrate on restoring normalcy for your family and be gentle with yourself. You can say, “I realize I haven’t been the best at taking care of our son lately, but I’m making efforts to improve. I love him more than anything.”
- Talk to your son sincerely. This situation is tough, and he’s probably scared and confused. Find a quiet moment and explain that you were so worried about your husband’s accident that you forgot some things, like taking him to school and making lunch. You can tell him, “Your dad’s accident was scary, but I still love you more than anything. You’re my whole world, and forgetting things doesn’t change that.”
- Have a conversation with the ex-wife. Your anger is justified, but calm down before addressing his ex. When you do, explain how her comments affected your son. Emphasize that her priority should be supporting him during this difficult time, not causing more confusion. You can say, “I appreciate your help, but mentioning a new family confused him. Let’s focus on supporting him and his dad right now.”
- Show your love through actions, not just words. Make sure your son sees you putting in the effort- taking him to school on time, helping with homework, making his favorite meals. These small acts demonstrate your love and commitment.
- Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Find time for activities that help you relax, like taking a walk, reading a book, or talking to a friend. A healthy parent can better care for their child.