An 85-year-old woman, Margo, wrote to us for advice after finally buying her own apartment, but her family pressured her to lend money to her unemployed brother. Struggling with guilt and boundaries, she’s learning how to prioritize independence and peace of mind.
Here is Margo’s letter.
Hello,
After 8 long years of scrimping, saving, and working my tail off, I finally did it; I bought my very own apartment. The feeling of finally having a place to call my own, a space just for me, was incredible. I felt proud, independent, and finally in control of my life.
But the celebration didn’t last long. The moment my mom found out, she came knocking with a request I wasn’t ready for. “Lend some money to your brother,” she said. “He has no job. He needs money to support his family.” I hesitated, and when I said no, she called me greedy. Greedy! Can you believe that? After all these years of saving every penny, I was suddenly the bad guy.
I was hurt, frustrated, and honestly, a little angry. The next day, I packed a bag and moved out of town. For the first time in my life, I set a firm boundary with my family. It wasn’t easy, believe me, I felt like I was walking a tightrope between love and self-preservation, but I knew I had to do it.
Even after I left, the calls kept coming. My mom, my brother, begging, pleading, trying to pull me back into the same old cycle. And I won’t lie, some days I feel guilty. But I also know that standing my ground is necessary for my independence, my peace of mind, and my financial security.
I’m learning that sometimes doing the right thing for yourself doesn’t mean you’re being selfish; it means you’re being brave. I just wish I had known sooner how freeing it could feel to finally put myself first.
What do you think?
— Margo
Our readers had a lot to say about Margo’s tough but empowering choice.
- Margo, bless your heart. Setting boundaries with family is HARD, especially when you’ve been the ‘giver’ for years. But wow, nothing beats that feeling of finally owning your space and saying ‘enough is enough.’ Reddit/@freedomfanatic42
- Oh honey, I’ve been there. My mom used to guilt me into giving my sister money, and I finally had to put my foot down. It’s scary at first, but you’re not being selfish—you’re being smart. Reddit/@justagirlat40
- Congratulations on your apartment! That alone is a huge achievement. Family drama will always find a way to sneak in, but standing your ground shows strength. You did right, Margo. Reddit/@apartmentdreamer
- This resonates so much. I moved out after my own mom tried to control my finances. Felt guilty for months, but now I sleep better and actually enjoy my own life. Freedom is worth it. Reddit/@boundariesarebeautiful
- Setting boundaries is terrifying, especially with parents. But Margo, you earned that independence. You worked your butt off—don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for protecting what’s yours. Reddit/@mommywithabudget
- Greedy? Pfft. You saved, you planned, you got your own place. Your family may not like it, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. Reddit/@sassyandsavvy
- Yesss, Margo! I just bought my first condo last year and my family acted similarly. Saying no is scary, but it’s so freeing. You’re showing everyone that your life is YOURS now. Reddit/@independentandproud