After a major life change like having a baby, struggles with body image can be particularly challenging, especially when faced with judgment. In this story, a reader explains how he attempted to support his wife in prioritizing self-care after she gained weight postpartum. However, one morning, she decided to quit her job, and the reason behind her decision sparked controversy.
Our reader sent us a message.
My wife has been overeating and has gained a lot of weight, so her old clothes don’t fit her anymore. She also recently gave birth. I work long hours and I don’t always have time to take care of the kid. However, when I do, I always ask her to go shopping and take care of herself. She always refuses.
Once, she was about to go to work with her belly hanging out and her pants half-zipped. I said she couldn’t go like that. She did anyway, and later, her boss called her asking her to follow the dress code next time. Now, she wants to quit her job because she feels they were “body-shaming” her.
Thank you for reaching out to us! This is definitely a complex situation, and we have some helpful tips to offer.
Understand the stress she’s experiencing.
She’s just had a baby, navigating changes to her body, and dealing with the added stress of work. It’s no surprise that she’s feeling overwhelmed. Instead of focusing on the fact that she didn’t adhere to the dress code, try to focus on the bigger picture and the pressure she’s facing. Show her that you’re on her side and that you genuinely understand what she’s going through.
Make shopping more comfortable.
Instead of just suggesting she go shopping alone, you could make it a fun day out. Offer to go with her or find someone she likes spending time with to make the experience less daunting. Sometimes, it helps to go to a place that has comfortable clothes, so she can buy items that fit her current body and make her feel good rather than pressured to fit into what she wore before.
Prioritize well-being over appearance.
Rather than focusing on her weight or how clothes fit, try shifting the focus to her health and overall well-being. You could encourage simple activities, like taking short walks together, not as a means to “lose weight” but as a way to enjoy quality time.
Framing these activities around boosting her energy or improving how she feels for herself and the baby can be more motivating. This helps take the focus off her physical appearance and places it on things that truly make her feel good.
Demonstrate your unconditional love for her.
Most importantly, remind her that your love for her isn’t dependent on her size, her clothes, or anyone else’s opinions. Reassure her that your love is unconditional and that you’ll be there to support her through any challenges she faces.