Here is Jessica’s Story:
I (45F) have been married to my husband John (48M) for 22 years. We bought our house together shortly after getting married. I handled all the finances and paid the $2500 monthly mortgage from my salary for the past 20 years – over $600,000 in payments.
John works but has never been great with money. I trusted him and we had a handshake agreement that even though the mortgage was in my name, we’d share ownership of the house 50/50 once it was paid off.
Last week, I happened to look at some mail addressed to John from a lawyer. I opened it and was shocked to see it was a deed transferring full ownership of our house to John’s mother, who is 75 and lives in an assisted living facility. The deed was signed a year ago.
I confronted John: “What the hell is this? You gave our house away to your mother behind my back after I paid the mortgage for 20 years??”
John admitted he did it because his mother’s money was running out and she’d have to go into a state care home unless he helped pay her assisted living costs. “She’s my mother, I had to do something,” he said.
I exploded: “By stealing my house from me and over half a million dollars I spent on the mortgage?? That home is my life’s investment!”
John said “Relax, when my mother passes, the house will revert to me and our kids can have it one day.”
I told John that’s not good enough – I want to be bought out of the house for 50% of the equity I paid into it over 20 years, or about $300,000 at least based on the current value.
John refused, saying I’m overreacting since I’ll “get it all back” when his mother dies. I reminded him I’m still paying for a house I don’t even own anymore.
Am I in the wrong for demanding buyout compensation since my ownership was taken from me? John says I’m greedy and has ordered me to “back off” regarding the house situation.
Dear Jessica, We can only imagine how betrayed and devastated you must feel after discovering that your husband secretly transferred the deed of your marital home to his mother without your knowledge or consent. After two decades of faithfully making the mortgage payments yourself, totaling over $600,000, it is completely understandable that you feel this act has robbed you of your life’s investment and hard-earned equity in the property.
Your anger over your husband is completely understandable.
By unilaterally giving away the house you co-owned, John has effectively deprived you of an asset you rightfully contributed to and expected to possess. His assertion that you will eventually regain ownership after his mother’s passing does not undo the immediate financial hardship and injustice he has imposed on you.
John’s dismissive attitude towards your concerns is deeply troubling.
Accusing you of being greedy and ordering you to “back off” only compounds the emotional distress caused by his betrayal of your trust. Your marriage is meant to be an equal partnership, and his actions have undermined that foundation.
While we understand his desire to help his aging mother, it should not have come at the expense of disregarding your rights and financial well-being. His decision, no matter how well-intentioned, has created an untenable situation that needs to be resolved fairly and with empathy for your perspective.
You have every right to demand buyout compensation for your share of the equity in the home.
A figure of $300,000, representing half of the current value based on your contributions over 20 years, seems reasonable and just. This is not about greed; it is about rectifying the wrong that has been done to you and ensuring you are not left without the asset you have worked so hard to build.
We encourage you to stand firm in your demand for fair compensation, but also to approach this with an open mind and a willingness to communicate respectfully with John. Perhaps involving a neutral third party, such as a mediator or counselor, could help facilitate a resolution that addresses both your financial interests and John’s familial obligations.
Remember, you have invested your life’s efforts into this home, and you deserve to be treated with fairness and respect. Do not let your husband’s accusations diminish the validity of your concerns or your right to be made whole. With empathy, honesty, and a commitment to finding a just solution, it is possible to navigate this difficult situation and restore the trust and equity that should exist in your marriage.